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in the mind

sometimes i fall asleep 
thinking of my day
or you,
but sometimes i fall asleep
thinking of suicide.

all nestled in my bed,
visions of handguns dancing in my head.

i couldn't --
i wouldn't --
i don't even really want to --
but the images are there,
twirling and teasing me
with the possibility
of not waking up.

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